Would there ever be a day, when "happy-ever-after"s actually exists?

Disappointment, one that we face every single day.

Math was a disappointment, I know it by heart, from the minute, actually from the second I started doing the paper. I knew I was going to fail it. But I kept hoping, praying that I could keep calm during the paper. I knew I should have studied harder, knew I should have did all I could. But, I ended up, disappointed again.

As I took back my paper. My heart sank (not literally of course). But with the thought that suddenly surfaced to my brain, "why didn't I study harder?", I really really felt damn bad, like really damn bad. I wanted to cry, but didn't anyway, so, Eeleng and I just burst out laughing. I think MG really taught us well, to put on that mask, that covers up all disappointment and sadness. So what if people think we're hypocrites, so what? I think it's better to cover those feelings up then to let people worry about you or like, let people see through you.

I'm seriously going to study harder. I'm going to force myself to, whether I like it or not.

I really hate myself, for not being determined enough. I know I can do better, so I'm going to. I really pray hard, that tomorrow, when I get back my chem paper, I don't face the same disappointment, but, it's probably going to happen anyway.

FML.

TEEHEE.

Chem test wasn't as GG was I thought it would be. It was... manageable, although I think I made a few mistakes. HAH, I feel a sore throat coming up. Thanks to the cheering during Xcountry. HAHA, talking about Xcountry, it was also quite okay. Even though I had to stop like, 3 times to tie my shoelace. :/ But anyway, I came in 67th position. HAH, although CKS didn't win anything, nevermind luh, we did our best anyway, what could happen in that 1 single house meeting seriously, we totally need more house meetings.

Tired ttm.

OG dinner was quite awesome, just that I only had like, two mouthfuls, before I was too full to eat anything. :O

Shall not post much about today.

Math CA = gg
Econs essay test = gg

what more can I say?

Oh. Right, chemistry CA = gg.

---
Training set today:
200m Fr Bk Fr Br
200m Fr pull
200m IM kick
200m IM

400m Fr paddle
200m Fr paddle
200m Fly kick
2 x 300m Fly Fr
6 x 100m 2 Fly 1 Fr

6 dips
2 x 15m Fly sprints

MLIA.

I think we're all familiar with the sentences, "somebody do this", "somebody help me get that", "can someone help me with this?", "somebody should do that".

But have you guys ever wondered, who that "somebody" is? If everyone just goes, "somebody,somebody,somebody" and pray that someone does something, nothing would ever be done. Before you beckon "somebody", do you ever think that maybe, you can do those task by yourself? Maybe you can choose to put in that little effort to finish what you want "somebody" to do? Maybe, before you summon "somebody" to help you, shouldn't you try to help yourself first? The list goes on.

I hope nobody thinks I'm talking about them, because this is just a generalized blog with generalized posts. Then again, people who end up being that "somebody" are people whom dislike last minute work, prefers to do things in advance just so they don't screw up later on. They choose to pick up that post of "somebody" just to ensure nothing goes wrong, but then, what happens? Nobody ever acknowledge them, all their hard work goes to other people's credits. Like, how horrible can one feel after that, then again, it's the sense of accomplishment that a certain "somebody" feels after finishing up a task.

To become more independent, I think we all have to start to learn how to be "somebody". At least, be that "somebody" for yourself, stop depending on others to do the jobs you're supposed to do, hopefully, we will all become mature. I don't deny, that sometimes, I wished someone could help me with my tasks. But I'm slowly learning, how to be that "somebody" for everyone, however, just by my own abilities, it wouldn't change much, because if everyone continues that search for their "somebody", then nobody would be that "somebody". It might sound super confusing, but it's not.

Moral of the story: Be your own "somebody" [:

---

EELENG, we should talk/gossip/rant/bitch/make noise more often together, like yea. [:

After reading Sandra's post, I find it super apt. It's like.. you've got to admit that it's true sometimes. In a relationship, you'll always have a certain point of time, or many points of time when you feel super disappointed, either in yourself, or in the person that you're with. Then again, it's usually with yourself because you'll start asking yourself, the things you do that would cause such a result, then the blame all goes on you. But the other person would somehow interpret that to be something that we're not thinking of, they would think that we're disappointed in them, that we don't really understand them, that we're so.. unfeeling and all. But the thing is, even when we're disappointed with them, we would be disappointed in ourselves first.

That's why, I do believe that men are for mars and women are from venus. Cos' guys never seem to get the things girls do for them, and I'm sure girls don't understand the things guys do to them either. It's not that we choose to hide those emotions under our skin, it's like, we refuse to show them because we don't want you to think that you are the cause of all the sadness and stuff, so, sometimes, it's better for us to hide them somewhere where nobody will ever see. What we are doing, is not to hide things from guys, it's to "protect" them, it's to... stop them from being sad, stop them from thinking about things that we're not thinking of, stop them from being paranoid.

Girls tend to think a lot about what they're going to do, and what they're going to say, to prevent unnecessary disappointment and misunderstanding, therefore we don't really express ourselves much as we're afraid that we might hurt you with our words. Guys tend to just speak straightforward, tell girls straight to the point, even if it hurts. That's the big difference about girls and guys, which is almost always the cause of disappointments and arguments.

Girls are afraid to promise, cos' they think about the things they're going to promise and are afraid that they cannot keep it, thus there's always that thought about how we're going to keep that promise forever. Guys just promise, and hope that those promises would be kept, even if it didnt, then, too bad. They don't think about how much it means to the other person.

Well, you've got to believe that guys, and girls, are totally different. But then again, opposites attract. It's weird, but it happens, cos' shit happens. I'm supposed to be studying, but ohwells, I just spent 20 mins of my life doing this. GREAT. I shall start praying for my three tests on tuesday. [:

xx,

God will make a way,
when there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see,
he will make a way for me.
He will be my guide,
hold me closely to his side.
With love and joy for each new day,
he will make a way,
he will make a way.

---

Yesterday's training program:
200m Fr Bk Fr Br
200m Fr pull
200m IM kick
200m IM

1000m Fr paddle
200m Fly kick
4x50m Fly kick
2(200m + 3x100m) 2 Fly,1 Fr

600m Fr paddle
6x50m Fly Fr paddle
100m Fly kick
3(4x50m)Fr kick,pull,swim.
----
POOFFFFFF.

Went out shopping again, should seriously stop shopping. HAHA, but today, I didn't get anything for myself. [: I got presents for birthday people! [: *feels proud of self* But then again, still spend money. :/ Yesterday was bloody joke luh. Right after I told Eunice, "my leg uh, seriously cannot make it sia" (after training), I fell down the steps and sprained my stupid ankle. HAHAHAHA, joke of the year. And then I started laughing, seriously... I'm damn weird. HAHA, then again, I think I knocked the side of my foot against the steps, so it kinda hurts more than my ankle, FTW, FML. But yea, I'm still gonna train, cos' nationals are like coming, and if I don't train, then all the coaches will be like.. damn disappointed. So... whatever luh. Just have to endure it until nationals are finally over, then, I can concentrate on studying [: poof. Going to Yilin's house tmr, excited ttm. [:

Went for practical today with Jacqueline and Qiwen, after that, lunched with Qiwen @ 9 30am until like 10 30+ ? Then went out with my mum, (yea, with my busted ankle), after that, dinner at grandma's house. [: Life is boring, as usual. [:

FML.

TRAINING PROGRAM TODAY:
200m Fr Bk Fr Br
200m Fr pull
200m IM kick
200m IM

800m Fr paddle
200m Fly kick
4 x 200m Fly/Bk & Fr
6 x 100m Fly/Bk

200m Fr pull
100m Fly kick
4 turns

6 x 3sets of "dips"
3sets of sprinting with pullcords
15m fly sprint.

--
Went for dinner with my dinner buddy again, HAHAHA. So exciting right? But we were so damn tired after training, really felt like dying. Seriously man, training's getting super tough nowadays. Saw Sameer at the bus stop, Yuhan and I waved to him la, but he totally didn't notice us, EVEN THOUGH he was looking in our direction, seriously. HAHAHA. But we stopped at the same stop, then he realised that we were on the same bus ._. OHWELLS, it was quite funny anyway, I never knew Sameer lived so near to me. Arms aching like crap.

But seriously, this morning was a damn bad morning luh. Like seriously, I'm not here for you to constantly ask about the timetable and even when I bother to answer you, don't f***ing scold the f word on me, I'm not hired to be your personal timetable thanks. Seriously.. o.- what the hell. If you wanna vent your frustrations, vent it somewhere else. People are brought to this earth for reasons other than letting you vent your frustrations on them, seriously. But, whatever luh, ._. do whatever you want.

Life After You - Chris Daughtry.

Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know
Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wasting my time
Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

---

Seriously, I think Chris Daughtry and Boys Like Girls are most awesome. [: All their song lyrics are bloody good luh. [:

Today's training was horrible. Haven't trained in ages, ankle started hurting AGAIN. Not good.. But ohwells, still got to hang in there, until nationals are over. I'm supposed to be studying.. But I can't help but to write down all my thoughts here again. HAHA. This is almost like a refuge! D: Not good either. Chem quiz, math quiz tmr, it's so sudden, like, it seemed like yesterday orientation just started, skipped super a lot of lessons, then now, have to catch up with all the shit. But, it was worth it. [:

Welcome tea.. was.. joke. LOL. Eunice and I went high on chocolate chips that we got from Michelle as Valentines' Day present. So... we were making LOADS of noise. Then again, we're always the two jokers who make the noise, so, no difference there. [: HAHAHA. I seriously hate playing I never, it's like.. so hard to come up with things that I've never done. Not that I did a lot of things already. It just doesn't surface to my brains when we're playing that game. HORRIBLE D:

Today's training log:
200m Fr Bk Fr Br,
200m Fr pull,
200m IM kick,
200m IM.

2 x 400m Fr paddle,
200m Fly kick,
2 x 300m Fly Fr alternate,
6 x 100m (2 fly, 1 free)

400m Fr paddle,
4 x 50m Fly Fr paddle,
2 x 100m Fly kick,
4 x 25m Fly kick,
4 x 50m Fly sprints.

100m "warmdown" lap.

I hope tomorrow's program isn't so horrible D:

Okay, don't ask me why I'm writing this post, something in my head just told me to get it off my chest, like not literally of course.

This post, has no means of badmouthing or bitching about anyone or anything, even if it may sound like it.
---
Okay, so after bearing the name of probably a super bitchy person (you'd probably think that way) for so long, I decided that, maybe it's good to leave it like that. Like, people ask me if I'm ever gonna clear up that misunderstanding, I said no, cause clearing up this misunderstanding would lead you to realise things that you thought would never happen, but guess what, cos' of the simple reason that I didn't want to cause you to have trouble in your friendship with your friend, I had to just keep silent, and let everyone put the blame on me. But still, you'd probably think it's my fault anyway. I tried explaining before, but you just shut me up. Thats why, I had to give up. I said I'll settle it my own way, and I did, but, I don't think it was effective anyway since I didn't know the cause, therefore no solution. Even if I was persistant, what could come out of it? I tried reasoning, I thought you knew me better than that, but now, i realised that in your opinion, I was just some self centered person who bitches about people.

I wanted to listen more, it just mean that I'd try to lessen your burdens. But still, whenever I tried to talk, something would just tell me to keep quiet, and just listen. Of all the things people said about you, i tried not to believe, but, you thought I was someone who'd present you in a negative light on purpose, someone who'd make everyone hate you. I really didn't. But you wouldn't believe me anyway. Someone said I was stupid to do that, but I don't think so. And since, I can't confide in any one, I had to write on my blog. It was just another avenue to write down how I felt, and not to defame anyone. It was only purely for the sake of writing down things that went through my head, things that I wanted you to know but I can't seem to say. Well, it doesn't matter anymore, cos' anyway, it wouldn't change anything right? I only wanted you to know, because, I don't want to make any enemies, and I really don't wna lose any of my friends. But ohwells, it doesn't matter anymore.. it really doesn't. Hopefully everything will just pass by in the blink of an eye. Someone should just give me something to forget everything [: it'd make life more bearable [:
----
And, I say once again, that this post does not, DOES NOT, carry the intention of defaming anyone.

Goodnight world, it's time my brain rested and stopped thinking about things that wouldn't matter.

VALENTINES' DAY is finally here, the day everyone has been waiting for (or not), but still. It's also the start of a new Chinese year, so everyone should be in their festive moods right now. HAH, while I feel like a complete loser blogging on the eve of Chinese New Year and Valentines' Day, I still wanna wish all you couples out there a happy Valentines' Day, last long kay? and all the single people like me, don't fret, there's still the angbao money to be happy over. [: HAH.

Valentines' Day shouldn't just be about spending time with your beloved, I mean like, don't you spend time with them every other day? LOL, anyway, I feel that the presents that couples give each other, should be from the heart, prepared with love, time and sweat(probably), cos' it means that you actually bother spending time to prepare such a gift for your loved one. I mean, how sweet is that? Even if it's some screwed up shit, I'm sure the other person will be able to sense your love for him/her. And, if the person doesn't, then s/he is just not worth your time. Then again, there's so many things that'll make your beloved happy, I think just by spending the day with him/her, it's more than enough. But, people can be superficial at times, girls want balloons, flowers, presents, chocolates, sweets, lollipops and all. Guys, I don't really know what they want, but.. I guess they expect a little something from the heart too, no? But at the end of the day, it's not the presents that define the love you have for each other, it's the heart. So... Even if you don't receive anything from the person you like/love, don't feel inferior to all your other friends, because people have different ways of expressing their love. Just cherish all the time you have together and make memories out of them, don't let it go to waste, if not, when everything ends, you'll just regret. So, don't just do special things for your other half on Valentines' Day, you can always make the other person happy by doing small little things to cheer them up occasionally. Sometimes, not just the receiving end feels happy, the person sending their love, will feel happy once they see their loved ones smile [:

Once again, Happy Chinese New Year 'nd a Happy Valentines' Day y'all [:

xx.

V DAY PRESENTS,





-----
Celebrated Valentines' Day in school today, (Chinese New Year too). It was SUPER AWESOME, even though I have no special someone to celebrate my valentines' day with this year, (or any other year in fact), I went around giving people a badge that says "TRICIA'S VALENTINE", Jan's teacher was damn cute, she kept asking "TRICIA'S VALENTINE" (which is jan) to answer the question, cos' Jan wore the badge, damn cute. HAHAHA. My OG kids are so awesome, [: I love them like crazy. Not forgetting the guys in my class/clique [: you guys are so awesome. HAHA, thanks for the awesome balloons. [: Table filled with chocolates, lollipops and balloons. All the love from my friends are enough to fill that missing part in my life for Valentines' Day this year.

I LOVE YOU GUYS. [:

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY,

xx,
(p.s, YUHAN, YOU NEVER COME TO SCHOOL! D:<)

FML.

Time trials today, I'm sort of not improving much? I think, but then again, shit happens. :/ 50m backstroke today was quite horrible, like I only did 43s. Which is damn freakin' slow, cos' apparently I need to be as fast as 33s to get into finals for nationals, which is insane, cos' can hardly even reach below 40s. 50m fly, didn't do much better, 42s, which is considered quite slow. The qualifying time was like, 48s (I actually manage to beat that), but finals timing was like, 38s? I was thinking to myself, bloody hell, how you manage to do that man, like... 38s leh. No joke ]: But still, I feel like dying, I hope Friday comes asap. I'm so tired of everything ]: And I still need to study for CAs and term exams, everyone has to, sadly. Everyone's busy preparing stuff for valentines' day, I'm so excited.

Then again, on the topic of Valentines' day. Yuhan, Victoria, Eunice and I were like discussing on what's cute to do on valentines' day to a girl, something that will melt our hearts. Yuhan thinks guys who plays saxophone is hot. o.o But seriously, if they play the saxophone, then cannot sing. So retarded. LOL, me and Eunice prefer guys who play the guitar and sing [: SUPER ROMANTIC PLEASE. Like, serenading, so cute. [: Victoria said, pipes. o.o I have no idea, but that's what I heard. POOF. But ohwells, romantic stuff ain't gonna happen to me this year. SO, too bad. HAH.

On the more, serious note, I need to start studying for CAs and terms, or else I will SERIOUSLY, fail it. Someone, motivate me, seriously. And for swimming, I'll try my best, but I don't know if my best is really enough.

1 Corinthians 13:4 & 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Valentines' day is approaching [: Many of us are scrambling to come up with presents to surprise our friends, our family, our loved ones on that very special day. Others don't really bother about valentines' day. However, to me, valentines' day is just another day, which you are able to amplify your love for the people around you whom you care so much about, but have no chance to show it. But there are always different meanings for different people. In MG, we always celebrate that very special day. However, it's called differently, "Bosom Buddies Day", I used to think that was stupid, why can't they just call it Valentines' Day? Like seriously, it's just another day. But it's not, cos' on 14th February, it's the day when students in MG exchange presents to make others feel special and loved. That's the special feeling everyone gets during valentines' day. Personally, I think ever girl would love to receive stuff on Valentines' Day. Therefore, people who have no valentine this year, fret not, you're not alone. [: Cos' I guess I'll have to spend another Valentines' Day alone, or rather, with my friends.

As I watch my friends get attached one by one, I pray for them. I really wish for them to have a happy ever after, but.. happy ever afters don't really exist. At least in my life, it hasn't, or maybe never will. But that's not the point. Everyone's so busy getting dates with their "half-apple"s that sometimes, those without dates would feel so.. left out, like.. what's the point of valentines' day when you're just gonna get left out? Well, watching other people happy, is also a form of happiness no? [: I think it is, cos' I always feel happy when I see people around me happy. But that is if they are truly TRULY happy and not wearing a "mask".

Anyway, my dearest "alone" friends out there, whoever you may be. Don't worry about not receiving anything, cos' I've prepared little thingys for all my friends. So if you're my friend, or even if you aren't, just come and find me [: I'll give you my little present, and everyone would feel happy about getting gifts on Valentines' Day. Because I hate not receiving stuff on valentines' day, that's why, I'm giving everyone presents, but then again, it's just another excuse to give out presents to my friends. [:

Well, girls out there, if you have your valentine, please treasure them, I know sometimes shit happens, but.. hang in there! And guys, pleasepleasepleaseplease, don't do anything that will break someone's heart. Anyway, I'm just gonna wish everyone a happy valentines' day, and a happy chinese new year. [:
---

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
Im holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what Im feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I dont know, whoa
Today Im on my own
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I dont know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Yeah Im walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think Ill make it out but you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

Thunder - Boys like Girls.

Orientation is finally over. I'm kinda relieved, and sad at the same time.

Relieved because, now that orientation is over, I've got more time to do work, study, sleep and eat properly. [: Which is good, cos' a lack of sleep makes people super anal, like, everything just gets on my nerves, and the tendency of ignoring people, falling asleep in class, and writing stuff wrongly, for example, "taking games and playing pictures." seriously... HAHA. At least it's over now, but super a lot of homework waiting for me to complete them.

Sad because, reality sets in, I've got to part with my AWESOME og kids, and go back to class. Even though my class is quite awesome, but still? And the void deck will be super crowded from now on. No more space to slack already. ]:

Ohwells, mentally and physically burned out already. Still got loads of homework to be done, lots of lessons to catch up on. I really hope I'll be able to do that. If not, I'm just gna die.. And I don't really want that. I really need someone to guide me and study with, so I don't take the chance to slack. HAH. But then again, training everyday, *sigh* I really don't know how long I can take this massive spam of activities before I die of exhaustion! D: < But ohwells. Unlimited energy source? I guess not.

TRICIA. i am currently 17 ♥. Was from MGS Studying in ACJC. In 2SC9'10 :D . Borned on 241192. I do not like emo people. I play the piano & the flute. Currently in swimming :D. Add me on msn, the.hypocritical.smile@hotmail.com.
underline , italic , bold

- to get into ACJC
- with my friends.
- to be able to talk on de phone forever and ever. LOL.
- REPAINT my bedroom.
- get new dresses.

most of the links are dead anyway. HAHAHA
caro.
cyeo.
isabel.
nat.
rebecca.
sharon.
sheryl.
sjjc.
sky.
valchia.
weileng.
wesley.

Designer
Please leave the credits alone, thanks (: