Happy birthday, me. :/
I dont know if I should be happy. But I guess I should be.
Birthday represents a start of a brand new chapter in your life.
I hope this isn't a bad chapter. But I guess it most probably is. I don't know why, but everything is in a mess. I should stop my mind from waiting, holding on and just.. thinking. I mean like, what am I still hoping for? I should just, pray for strength in God, and move on.
Maybe, I believe too easily in people. I don't really know if that is a benefit, or harm. I get swayed so easily. And I hate myself for being like that. I'm still hoping that time will cure all wounds. But, I guess.. wound healings wound mean a scar, especially those that are deep. Which means, it will just take longer time to forget. Or maybe, just get used to it. Okay, in three minutes time, I shall once again, attempt to be that happy and cheerful girl, that everyone once knew.

Once again, happy birthday.

---
all I ever wanted, was for you to understand me.

Nothing means everything.

As I stood there,
acting as though I didn't care.
Thinkin' everything would be alright,
as long as I didn't put up a fight.

I guess I was wrong,
even though I waited so long.
I could only painfully watch,
everything burning up like a torch.

There was never meant to be,
ever afters that were sweet.
But we were young and foolish,
now all our dreams are demolished.

What if nothing,
was everything.
And everything,
was nothing,
without you.

Byebye world. I shall stop blogging, at least for now. [:

YAYYYYY. Ultimate happiness.
My parents got me a DSLR for my birthday present [: .
HAHA. Okay, this is damn weird. HAHAHA.
Anyways, I shall move on with life. Reflecting through, I realised that maybe I shouldn't be so pessimistic. God has put us through trials to make us stronger people. I guess, I did become stronger, and realised that many things just don't go the way we want them to. But, if we try hard enough, we might get what we want, or we might just end up hurting ourselves over and over again. So, just maybe we should learn how to take things, when given to you. And let go of things, when it's taken away from you. Yup. I guess, that is when, you learn to become more matured and be strong, cos' that is when, you learn how to let go.

And here I am, once again, with nothing much to do. Yes, it's the holidays once again. But this time, it's different. No more, going to school to study, no more, long bus rides, no more happy ever after. Yea, I guess not everything goes according to what we want them to be like. I hate myself for being like this. But if you ask me why? I would tell you I don't know.

I'm thinking a lot these few days, hoping that an answer would come upon me. I don't know what happened, but I guess it just happened. As I read through the letters, it just dawned unto me that, maybe, just maybe, I'm just not good enough. Just maybe, there was never meant to be a happy ever after. I used to believe everything people told me, I guess.. what we say in those moments became lies when everything else ended.

All I can say is, a thousand times of sorry(or more). You used to thank God for bringing me into your life. But I guess, not anymore. Those moments and memories that were kept, has be buried under the tiring times of studying, training, exams, and whatever nots. Well, I guess it was those things, that were said, that made me happy(for awhile). Now, all that's left, is just, pieces of paper, and a broken promise.

Thinking.. makes one feel nostalgic. All the questions, such as "What if.. I didnt do that, would everything be better?", "What if, I made a wrong choice?" and stuff. I guess, I only have myself to blame. I'm tired of thinking, but I can't stop. I guess caring for you, has already became a habit. I guess, time will heal all wounds. Maybe, it IS the best way. or maybe not.

its over >_>

October is finally over, one month is gone. So many things happened in just one month. Should I be happy that it's over? I don't even know what to expect in november, it's like, a blank wait. You just, wait and wait for something to happen, but it never does.

Someone told me that, it's the little things that we tend to forget, and overlook. The simplest, "Hi, how are you today?" or "heyyy, i love you" might change the mood of someone's day. But, we are so, blinded by everything in our lives that we tend to ignore such "insignificant" phrases, instead, we don't say anything at all.

Yes, once again, I experienced the magic of swimming laps and laps just to ignore everything for that moment, and walking under a huge rain. After walking under that huge rain, I found out two things. 1) I need two umbrellas next time, I used one umbrella to make sure that my bag and file was dry, instead, my whole body was drenched. 2) Our school uniform is totally totally see-through espacially when it's wet. But then again, thats beside the point.

But, I guessed I started off the month well. Went out shopping with Rebecca and Natalie (Ng). I really REALLY want to thank becky, naz & abigail, for being there for me when i REALLY needed a listening ear, giving me advices, trying to make me smile, and what nots. Seriously, I think I would be.. I don't know, less optimistic if you guys were not here.

Yea.. enough essay writing. I will always be there for you, but.. were you here when I needed you?

TRICIA. i am currently 17 ♥. Was from MGS Studying in ACJC. In 2SC9'10 :D . Borned on 241192. I do not like emo people. I play the piano & the flute. Currently in swimming :D. Add me on msn, the.hypocritical.smile@hotmail.com.
underline , italic , bold

- to get into ACJC
- with my friends.
- to be able to talk on de phone forever and ever. LOL.
- REPAINT my bedroom.
- get new dresses.

most of the links are dead anyway. HAHAHA
caro.
cyeo.
isabel.
nat.
rebecca.
sharon.
sheryl.
sjjc.
sky.
valchia.
weileng.
wesley.

Designer
Please leave the credits alone, thanks (: